The Cloverdale Chronicle – Local News in Cloverdale, CA
Reserved Seating to Be Banned at Friday Night Live; Ticketmaster to Roll Out Official Seating Chart
COMMUNITY
Nate Nufseats
10/4/20252 min read
Editor's Note: the contents of this article are satirical.
Rows of folding chairs lined up before the Cloverdale stage.
CLOVERDALE, CA — After years of territory marking, “lawn-chair bloat,” and 9-5'ers struggling to find seats with a view of the band, the City of Cloverdale has announced that “seat saving” at Friday Night Live will officially be banned starting next summer.
The decision follows mounting frustration from attendees who claim that retirees arrive at noon with folding chairs, creating an impenetrable fort of reserved seating that lasts until the first guitar chord at 7 p.m.
“I was forced to sit on a curb in front of the post office while thirty empty chairs stared at me for an hour,” said one distraught resident. “This is not the small-town America I grew up in.”
To enforce the new policy, Cloverdale has entered a controversial partnership with Ticketmaster, which will provide a “state-of-the-art” reserved seating chart for the venue. Residents will now need to purchase spaces in advance and select their exact folding-chair location through an interactive online map.
Ticketmaster confirmed that service fees will apply:
A $12 “chair placement fee”
A $9.75 “shade surcharge” for anyone seated under a tree
And a $4 “regenerative organic awareness fee,” the details of which remain unclear
City officials insist this is the only way to maintain order. “This is about fairness,” said one council member. “If you want the prime spot facing the band, you shouldn’t have to fight retirees armed with a camp chair and a thermos. That’s what Ticketmaster is for.”
Blue-collar workers have expressed mixed feelings about the change. “Friday Night Live has always been a mixed bag for me. It’s 102 degrees outside, I’ve just spent $25 on a falafel wrap, and now I have to stand next to the public toilet while tzatziki drips down my arm. In my opinion, the change can’t come fast enough,” said Brett Jenkins, Cloverdale resident.
Others fiercely oppose the transition. Longtime Friday Night Live regulars have vowed to boycott the event, claiming the new system robs them of their rights as Americans. City officials have countered that argument, noting the futility of boycotting an event that is completely free to attend.
One resident of the Del Webb community, a retiree, expressed frustration over how the rule change will affect their routine. “What else am I supposed to do with my day?”
The first test run will be next summer’s kickoff show. Officials expect Ticketmaster’s “dynamic pricing” may push some seats above $120. Lawn seating, however, will remain “free”—though it must still be reserved through the app.
