Hamburger Ranch Forced to Rebrand as “Hotdog Pasture” Following Community Unrest

CLOVERDALE, CA — Cloverdale’s iconic roadside diner, Hamburger Ranch, announced this week it will be rebranding as Hotdog Pasture following mounting controversy over its “exclusionary” name.

The decision came after a months-long campaign led by local activist and professionally accredited “meat equity consultant” Brenda Fairweather, who argued that Cloverdale restaurateurs have unfairly stymied the adoption of other sandwich-based dinners at their restaurants. “This is about representation,” Fairweather said at a town hall meeting. “For too long, we here in Cloverdale have treated the hotdog as the lowest member of an unjust caste system. Enough is enough.”

Owner and head grillmaster of Hamburger Ranch initially resisted the change. “It’s called Hamburger Ranch because we sell hamburgers,” he said, flipping a patty with a grim resignation. “But fine-if it makes people happy, I’ll put a damn hotdog on the sign.”

The renaming has already sparked backlash from traditionalists. Local cattle rancher Buck Trotter accused the town of “meat censorship” and threatened to start his own rival diner called Beef Gulch. Meanwhile, the Cloverdale Chamber of Commerce has issued a statement supporting the rebrand, citing “modern sausage-forward values.”

The new Hotdog Pasture logo, unveiled Friday, features a smiling frankfurter jovially sporting a cowboy hat. Much to the dismay of concerned individuals, Equal Rights for Tubed Meats was not included on the new sign. Marketing director Trevor Klein assured reporters that the shift would “attract the kind of young, change-forward customers Cloverdale desperately needs.”

Despite the fanfare, regular customer Doris McKinnon, 87, remained unimpressed. “I don’t care what they call it,” she said while chewing on a burger.

The official rebrand takes place next month, with a ribbon-cutting ceremony that will, according to organizers, “change nothing except for the sign. It is unfortunately not within our power to stop them from cooking, and selling, hamburgers.”

Hamburger Ranch's new logo.

Please note: all contents of article are satirical.