Cloverdale Regional Library Announces Larger, Even Brighter Sign
COMMUNITY
Editor's Note: the contents of this article are satirical.
Cloverdale Regional Library: A rendering of the proposed sign installation
CLOVERDALE, CA — The Cloverdale Regional Library announced this week that plans are underway to make the electronic message board outside its building on N. Cloverdale Boulevard significantly larger and more luminous. The change comes as part of the library’s internal push to raise awareness among residents about the library’s existence.
According to library officials, the upgraded display will improve visibility, ensuring that community announcements can be seen by motorists, pedestrians, and, under ideal atmospheric conditions, portions of northern Mendocino County.
"Yes, the remodel just happened. Yes, they just installed a new sign. And yes, we’ve only had the new LCD display outside the library for a short time," said Library Branch Manager Diane Peterson. "But the general feeling among library staff is that our message still isn’t loud enough. We now have the opportunity to inform people about the library with a level of luminosity previously reserved for U.S. Coast Guard search teams."
The existing sign, which many residents have already complained about for "lighting up half of North Cloverdale Boulevard at night," will be sold to MGM Resorts International for curbside placement at one of its premier resorts on the Las Vegas Strip.
The new sign outside the library will reportedly feature larger text, noticeably brighter colors, and enhanced contrast, making it easier than ever to learn about the next Homeschoolers Meet-and-Greet.
Engineers involved in the project estimate the new display will emit approximately the same amount of light as four of the existing displays combined. Some residents expressed cautious optimism.
"I've always wondered what was happening at the library," said local resident Mark Henderson. "Now I'll be able to find out while my eyes are closed and the sign burns the message into my retina."
Others questioned whether the increased brightness was necessary.
"I could already read the sign," said longtime Cloverdale resident Janet Miller. "But I suppose there are still a few people who don't know about the library."
Advocates on the city council argue that the 24-hour illumination will stimulate a more "lively" circadian rhythm among a population of residents with an average bedtime of 9 p.m.
"We didn’t need more nightlife in Cloverdale," said council spokesperson Edward Rogers. "All we needed was for people to be awake to experience it."
Construction is expected to begin later this year. Once completed, officials believe the upgraded sign will serve the community for decades while helping ensure that no resident remains uninformed about the availability of free tax preparation assistance.
At press time, library staff confirmed they were already exploring the possibility of a future sign that would be visible from Healdsburg.
Projected visibility of sign from 25-mile distance, nighttime
