BREAKING NEWS: 7:00 PM Curfew to Be Enforced Cloverdale-Wide

CLOVERDALE, CA — City officials announced Tuesday that Cloverdale will soon adopt a strict town-wide curfew of 7:00 PM, a move they say will “reflect the town’s natural circadian rhythm.”

“People are already tired and off of the streets by then anyways, so we won’t really need to enforce much,” a Cloverdale Chamber of Commerce member said. “This should be an easy transition.”

The announcement follows years of whispered complaints that Cloverdale residents wandering outside after sundown were creating “unnecessary confusion,” particularly among passing tourists who assumed the town had actually closed down for good.

A younger community member in support of the curfew stated that “When you search for Cloverdale nightlife on Yelp, the third recommendation is for the Geyserville Gun Club. The way I see it, the curfew won't change a thing.”

Local business owners offered mixed reactions. A gas station attendant admitted the curfew might “cut into the late-night scratcher ticket crowd,” while a downtown boutique owner reported no concerns, as “literally nobody shops here in the evening anyway.”

Cloverdale’s law enforcement says curfew patrols will be minimal, mostly consisting of one officer slowly driving past The Beet Restaurant and wine bar over concerns about their Friday night dance parties. "It's about time we put this problem to bed," a Cloverdale Police officer said.

City leaders praised the policy as a bold step toward efficiency. “This way, Cloverdale can finally take its place as the first town in California to fully embrace bedtime,” said City Councilmember Harold Strick. "We'll have fully phased out our need for street lamps by 2030."

The curfew officially begins next Monday. Officials advise residents to plan their socializing accordingly—though for most in Cloverdale, that means eating dinner at 5:30 and being in pajamas before Wheel of Fortune ends.